"Wishing she was still here, one year on"
ALL NameS LISTED HAVE been changed
for privacy reasons.
a story
by sandy*
On December 3, 2023, I lost a friend, Crystal*, to suicide - a blow that shattered what should have been more years filled with weddings, not wakes.
Her death, and the loss of her infant son, unleashed a grief unlike anything I’d ever known.
When the news came, denial gave way to the painful recognition that this was irreversible. I couldn’t blame anyone but the act itself; no medical cure or explanation could change it.
In the days after, even among her closest colleagues, grief surfaced in different ways - anger, self-blame, tears, and silence. Many of us never got the chance for closure at THE wake.
Realising grief could hurt more than one person and that I needed support from someone not grieving the same person, I reached out to Samaritans of Singapore (S.O.S) for professional help.
“If losing loved ones is hard, losing them suddenly is harder, and losing them suddenly to suicide is even harder.”
I knew I needed counselling, just as I’d seek a doctor if I fell ill. The counsellor’s assurance - that I didn’t have to share anything I was uncomfortable with - made a big difference.
“Don’t lose hope.”
Grief isn’t linear. Months in, I saw improvement.
but then, unexpectedly, painful reminders triggered a deep emotional return. Grief can resurface at any time.
That’s when I asked to see my counsellor again. It ended up being our longest session - but it helped me process everything.
“Ask your whys—every last one of them—until you are hoarse.”
I needed to find closure. With my counsellor’s guidance, I spoke with a mutual friend of ours.
I found one “why” and accepted that some answers may remain unknown but that doesn’t stop us from moving forward.
“The better question is ‘Now what?’”
Here’s what helped:
Commit to emotional healing for the ones still here.
Lean into suicide prevention and support others on this path.
Live fully - because those we’ve lost would want that for us.
I can’t change what happened, but I can choose what comes next, believing that, like a grain of wheat, life can arise from death.
If you’ve lost someone to suicide: don’t lose hope for yourself, your support circle, or the future.
SANDY'S STORY HIGHLIGHTS THE IMPORTANCE OF SUPPORT AND COUNSELLING, WHICH S.O.S OFFERS. YOUR DONATION ENSURES SUCH EFFORTS CONTINUE TO RUN AND PEOPLE HAVE ACCESS TO THE RIGHT SUPPORT OPTIONS.
read other STORIES here.